Big day in Bama

Here in the northern half of Alabama we don't know what's happening in your part of the world today, and we don't care.

Here in Suburbingham it's the biggest day of the year. It's Christmas, New Years, Mardi Gras and everybody's birthday all rolled into one.

Two huge events are happening on the same day.

First, it might snow.

A little.

Forecasters say we might get anywhere from a half an inch to an inch of snow, starting in the next couple of hours. Schools are closed here today because of the Great Blizzard of '10. Some area school systems have already announced that they will also be closed on Friday.

Bear in mind that we haven't seen the first snowflake yet and we should get less than an inch of snow in total. Yet people have been cleaning out the grocery store shelves for days in anticipation of this calamity.

I'm not kidding.

For some reason you are required to stock up on bread and milk before a major weather event. It was true in New Orleans whenever a hurricane threatened and the same thing is true here in Suburbingham before every predicted snowfall. Why those two items in particular? Why not pistachios and pickled herring in cream sauce? I have no idea--loading up on bread and milk is just what you're supposed to do.

Those of you in Canada, the Midwest and the Northeast may think it's absurd for an entire state to be paralyzed by a mere half an inch of snow, but, trust me, you don't want to see Southerners attempt to drive after the second flake has fallen. It's not a pretty sight. Oh, the humanity! Oh, the carnage!

The second event is a college football game taking place in Pasadena, California tonight. The University of Alabama Crimson Tide football team is taking on the University of Texas Longhorns for the college football national championship.

I live in a place where college football is everyone's second religion, if not their first. For one of our state's teams to play for the national title is big beyond comprehension.

My wife Teri teaches at the university and the first three days of classes this term were called off so that students could go to the game. A few grumpy professors have groused that calling off that much class time for a mere football game sends the wrong message about the importance of education, but they are largely dismissed as quaint eccentrics.

Tonight the streets will be deserted as the entire state gathers around their televisions to watch the game. But, while everyone here will be watching with interest, not all will be cheering for the University of Alabama. In this state we have not one, but two large universities with vaunted football programs--Auburn and Alabama.

The fans of the two schools are bitter rivals. We're talking North vs. South in the American Civil War bitter. We're talking Catholic vs. Protestant in Northern Ireland bitter. We're talking Tiger vs. Elin bitter. We're talking ... sorry, I was beginning to get carried away in all the excitement.

Teri teaches at 'Bama, but she earned her degrees at Auburn. It took her three years before she could bring herself to root even halfheartedly for the institution that pays her salary. And when Auburn and 'Bama play each other, as they do every year, she and her students taunt each other for days before the game.

But tonight Teri and I will gather around the TV and root for 'Bama with all our hearts.

"Rammer jammer yellowhammer, give 'em hell Alabama!"

Hey, I just looked out the window and the first flakes are falling. Time to break out the bread and milk.