Cheeseburgers and paradise

Mexico joined the BYE League of Nations the other day becoming the 34th virtual flag to fly in our little corner of the webiverse. Bienvenido! What took you so long?

I'm kind of surprised that Mexico joined our ranks long after Malaysia, Serbia and a bunch of other lands more distant from BYE headquarters. I've been to Mexico many times, and I love the parts of it I've seen. Teri and I will be heading your way twice later this year.

Most of our time in Mexico has been spent on the island of Cozumel for winter dive vacations, which does skew our perspective of your nation. Cozumel is a Mayan word that has something to do with swallows, I believe, but should be the Mayan word for paradise.

During the day when the cruise ships are in port, the main city on the island (San Miguel) is packed with throngs of overfed cruisers snapping up t-shirts and lining up at Senor Frog's for margaritas. At night after the ships have pulled out to sea, this city of 90,000 becomes more like a tranquil village.

I don't know if it's still true, but Sunday is traditionally the only day of the week when there are no cruise ships in port on the island, and that day is largely given over to religious and family celebrations. On Sunday nights the islanders pack the town square and the local children put on little pageants on the main stage.

Cozumel is the only place I've ever been where people routinely break into song for no reason at all. You see this everywhere on the island if you start to look for it, and it's true of men and women of all ages regardless of their ability to carry a tune. The residents of the island are completely unselfconscious about this. A store clerk will start singing softly while she stocks a shelf or a waiter will begin to sing to himself as business slows at the end of his shift.

It took me a while to notice this phenomenon, but once I did, I saw it everywhere I went on Cozumel. A place where people sing just because they're alive can't be all bad.

When the ships are docked, the storekeepers can be very aggressive about luring in customers, but it's good-natured aggression. If you go in, you're likely to be offered a free shot of tequila or "Mexican Viagra" as they call it.

The touts will stand out on the sidewalks and tell you that their wares are "cheaper than Wal-Mart" or "cheaper than K-Mart" or "almost free". The really aggressive merchants will combine two of these three phrases in some order. One evening, Teri and I were walking downtown and decided we'd keep going until we hit the trifecta. It took a while, but eventually a jewelry merchant completed the quest by saying "my stuff is cheaper than Wal-Mart, cheaper than K-Mart, almost free!" He was startled and stepped away from the loco gringos when Teri and I burst into uncontrollable spasms of laughter.

By contrast, of all the places I've been, the people of Saint Petersburg, Russia looked the saddest to my American eyes. Teri and I were there during the white nights, the time of year near the summer solstice when it never really gets dark that far north. The weather was beautiful, yet the people on the streets walked with their heads down and their shoulders hunched, like they were trying to traverse a blizzard in the depths of winter.

I've learned from experience that it takes a lot to make a Russian smile.

I haven't done shout-outs for a while. Let's say hi to some visitors to this site who hail from places I've never been.

Hello, League City, Texas. You used to be home for the Karankawa Indians, but now you're Houston's aquatic playground.

Howdy, Moody, Maine. I've never been there, but Teri and I drove through once on our way to Round Pond. We stayed in a lovely old Victorian house on the water there. Beautiful country.

Guten tag, Hamburg, Germany. I bet you guys really hate it that our first association with your city is the food purveyed by the likes of McDonald's and Burger King. In reality, the first hamburger on a bun was made in Tulsa in 1891. I've been to Tulsa and I've been to Germany and the two places aren't all that similar.

Out of curiosity, I went to McDonald's German website. I was distressed to discover that the website was in German, but after a little intuitive button clicking and a few false starts, I determined that there are no fewer than 16 McDonald's restaurants in downtown Hamburg (see picture). Does anyone else think that's wrong?

Continuing with our theme, hello to Meriden, Connecticut, the home of the first steamed cheeseburger in history. I'm not sure what a steamed cheeseburger is, but I want one and I want it now. I've given up meat for Lent, so I won't be able to go to Meriden to fulfill my mystery craving for at least another few weeks.

In the interest of full disclosure and because I know Teri will bust me, I haven't been perfect on the non-meat front. On Wednesday evening I broke down and made a run for the border. I devoured a taco and a burrito at Taco Bell. I'm not sure what that brown stuff was inside, but I'm not positive it was meat--so I may still be okay.

Finally, a big shout-out to Nampa, Idaho. Your Wikipedia page brags that you're home to a Costco, Target, Olive Garden, Old Navy, World Market, Sam's Club, McDonalds, and Macy's among other retailers I recognize. I'd drop by for a visit, but, except for your rodeo, you sound just like Suburbingham so I don't see the point.